doughnutsfairy: I remember how unhappy I was that day in the...

doughnutsfairy:

I remember how unhappy I was that day in the first picture, even though you can see me smiling it wasn’t how I really felt…I played in my local theatre and as a reward our group went for 10 days holidays by the sea. It was summer time so all girls of the group were wearing bikinis, skirts, shorts, short sleeved shirts and all these clothes I would NEVER wear and could only dream of wearing back then. I felt non stop like a third wheel, I couldn’t do all of these things they did together and I didn’t even feel wanted there because of all the looks I was getting from them- people who actually…Were supposed to be friends with me. I felt really depressed there,all I wanted was to have some fun with them, not be judged,not be looked at, and to be able to join the rest of the group(for example)when they were going swimming or played sports instead of sitting on the sand and looking how the rest is enjoying their vacations. When I came home I knew it was the right time,I knew that the next day my whole life would start changing. I can’t even explain why I felt so sure about it,I have no idea why I was suddenly so confident! Before when I planned a new diet I knew from the beginning I would fail.It was all really weird but I JUST KNEW it was the last day of that horrible life I was living, the last day of seeing that person in the mirror I hated WITH ALL MY HEART, I wanted to prove everyone, including my unsupportive family who was making comments about my body all the time and who was clearly ashamed of me.I wanted to prove MYSELF that I’m able to achieve everything I want,I’m strong enough to get every single thing I dream of getting and I’m worth living a better life,not a nightmare which was making me cry every night and binge on food… And I did prove it,I showed myself that I’m able to achieve all of my goals without anyone’s help.People who were making fun of me before now want to be my friends,my family who was making my depression worse and worse every day now pretends they never made any hurtful comment about me. I forgave everyone but it’s still like a scar which stays with me for the rest of my life BUT I hope that one day I’ll be able to forget it:)

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