Thanks to @thehufflepufflifts for sharing your journey. You inspired me to share my own!
This is a terrible screencap from my ALS Ice Bucket challenge video, made about a year ago (August 2014). I was 30 pounds heavier and, mentally, miles away from where I’m at now. I was unhappy and insecure and looking for validation and acceptance in all the wrong places. I didn’t care about my diet, I was mid-battle with an eating disorder I hadn’t accepted that I had, and my marriage was struggling. My anxiety and depression were through the roof. Exercise? Forget about it.
Then, in May of 2015, following about 5 months of recovery, a friend introduced me to lifting. My first time at the weight rack I couldn’t stop laughing. I could barely lift the bar. I was embarrassed and self conscious and didn’t know what to do with myself. But I did it. I did it with laughter in my lungs, with cheeks that were red with embarrassment, and I haven’t looked back since.
My anxiety and depression no longer have me in a stranglehold. They’re still there, probably always will be, but they don’t control me. My diet could use some work but I’m more concerned with fueling my body than denying it important things in the desire to be “skinny.” My husband has seen the changes in me and my marriage is stronger than ever.
This week I’ve thought back a lot to that first time trying to do squats. When I load my plates onto the bar - something I never pictured myself doing - I smile to myself a little. Who is this woman? She’s happy and confident and at peace with herself. There are days I still struggle, even hour to hour. The demons in my head still yell at me, telling me I’m not good enough, I need to be skinnier, eat less, shrink myself, and adhere to some messed up image of beauty.
But I will fight them. I will succeed and I will stop shrinking myself in the desire to be someone else’s idea of perfection.
MotiveWeight http://ift.tt/1Or4B72
No comments:
Post a Comment