When people first meet me and find out that I used to be very overweight, they usually always assume that I was overweight for most of my life. However, for the most part of my life I was actually very fit! Having said that, I’ve struggled with eating disorders and self confidence issues for a big chunk of my life.
In the picture where I am 18, I was struggling with an eating disorder. I was 66kg in that picture but according to my BMI I was very overweight and so I became obsessed with getting thin and getting below 50kg. I continually binged on food, threw it up and starved myself. The cycle was never ending and I just loathed my body. It may look like a reasonably healthy body, but it was far from it!
When I was 21, I ballooned to 104kg. I was going through a lot emotionally and fed myself to feel sane. I was self harming, suicidal, depressed and just down right miserable. I hated looking at myself and didn’t leave the house because I was so embarrassed. I didn’t even want to see my family. Those were the worst years of my life.
In the time between 21 and 23 years old (just before my 24th birthday), I was diagnosed with PCOS but still I managed to lose 40kg very quickly. I started weightlifting everyday and cut sugar out of my life and ate very healthily. I left a bad relationship and started to get my life back together. The picture of me now at 23, is still progressing. I am 70kg in that picture. I’m continually having to balance my lifestyle to keep my PCOS in check. It’s not always easy and certainly disheartening when I see the scale go up and down. I’ve tried to make an effort to just stay away from the scales and focus on the eating and exercising.
The biggest change for me has been my mind.
I may not be where I want to be yet, but my mind is in a much better place. I’m officially 1 year clean from self harming which is HUGE accomplishment for me. I still struggle sometimes with my self-worth, confidence and anxiety, but it’s improved significantly nevertheless, I’m definitely not a full-time hermit anymore!
I still have a way to go but I’m excited to finally see the person that I was meant to be!
I really hope this inspires and pushes people to keep going on their journey. It’s never going to be easy, but the rewards are so worth it, even if they don’t come all at once!
MotiveWeight http://ift.tt/1WC3wyw
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