In light of some negative shit happening in my life I wanted to remind myself how much I’ve changed mentally and physically. In all of my past posts about weight loss I lied about my actual starting weight out of shame. In the picture on the left I was 291 pounds. That day will forever be embedded in my memory. I felt disgusted and filled with shame the moment I stepped on the scale. For so much of my life I’ve been held back by my own negative perception of myself. I find myself looking in the mirror and seeing the human on the left. All of my weight gain was caused by emotional eating and self hatred, I ate constantly, it was the only thing that helped me cope aside from self harm. Though I’ve lost 110lbs, all of the weight still resides in my mind. When I set out on my path to get in shape I was solely concerned with fat loss. I never lifted or even used the strength training machines. Cardio was my jam and I was committed to running, biking, or rowing the weight off.
Then life took a detour and I took a year to “discover” myself which really just lead to a near overdose and drug addiction. I found the lowest possible point in my life and am still crawling out of the grave I dug for myself. In October of 2015 I started going to the gym seriously again but with an entirely different mindset. I want to be fucking strong. I want to feel like I can physically beat my demons. I want my physical strength the match my mental, because god damn it I am a fucking warrior.
In October I couldn’t even sit in a squat, bench the bar or even do a push up. I was so embarrassed about how little I could do, I felt weak compared to my state of mind. I’m in awe of how far I’ve come as a person and to look back on the path that I have chosen. I am excited to see where I can take myself.
As of today my PRs are as followed:
Bench - 115x1
Deadlift - 225x3
Squat - 155x1
Weight - 186lbs
MotiveWeight http://ift.tt/1ZUAVrz
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