first day back on the mats today š
I’m so glad I’m getting over this pneumonia. I was nervous about returning after a few weeks off but it went well! I did get a little winded during our combatives. I felt silly for stopping to catch my breath - I’ve done these drills hundreds of times! My instructor noticed and said “remember when you couldn’t do even one before? look how far you’ve come.”
I do remember. I will never forget what it felt like to be 240lbs. I will never forget the depression that nagged me and the disparity in believing that I could never change. I will never forget that first class where I couldn’t do the warmup, let alone the full workout. I will never forget being the heaviest in the room. I will never forget putting on that uniform in the left picture and crying because the XXL pants were too tight.
When progress is slow it’s easy to forget the journey. Look how far you’ve come. When I don’t see the results I remind myself of the facts: You can do several real push-ups now, you don’t have to do them on your knees anymore. You don’t feel self conscious when the guys throw you around because you no longer believe you’re too heavy. You can do kicks - high kicks, low kicks, side kicks, roundhouse kicks - in rapid succession without losing your balance. You can do full sit-ups without having someone hold your feet down. You willingly volunteer to be the first to run a drill and you are known for being a tough fighter.
Your clothes fit great. Your uniform is a size medium. You no longer have to wear plus sized clothing. Your skin glows. You look people in the eyes when they’re talking to you. You are confident. You know what you want and you’re not scared to ask for it. You sleep at night and you feel rested in the morning. Your anxiety has calmed down tremendously.
You are improving. You are always improving. You are living now.
I am so glad for this second chance at life.
MotiveWeight http://ift.tt/1AZjLLy
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